It was a year ago in April that I received the news of my cancer diagnosis and I did not pause for even a moment to mark the occasion. I have in some ways blocked out the exact date of my diagnosis and buried it deep in my subconscious. So, when April of 2019 came around, I quietly looked back on the year with sadness and recalled the emotions that rocked my world in utter silence. It’s complicated.
I understand that without rain there would not be flowers. Without extreme heat there would be no reflection in silver during the refinery process. Without years of pressure a lump a coal would never become a diamond.
So, is the woman staring back of me in the mirror better for the experience today?
I still see brokenness and my scars are still fresh on my heart. Some days I even struggle with depression. I beat myself up when I make mistakes and I am hard on myself when I don’t meet my own expectations. Recently I have read that delayed reactions are common for people who has suffered a great tragedy. My cancer treatment is over, and I am grateful for it, but my journey continues.
Despite what I feel the reality is that in God I am whole. I am beautiful and I am His daughter. I may be a broken vessel but the light shining through is still light. The love I have for life is still worth pursuing and the treasure within this jar of clay is as dear to God as the day I was born.
In 7 days, I will mark the one-year anniversary since I had surgery. This princess has come full circle.