Full Circle

It was a year ago in April that I received the news of my cancer diagnosis and I did not pause for even a moment to mark the occasion.  I have in some ways blocked out the exact date of my diagnosis and buried it deep in my subconscious.  So, when April of 2019 came around, I quietly looked back on the year with sadness and recalled the emotions that rocked my world in utter silence.  It’s complicated.

I understand that without rain there would not be flowers.  Without extreme heat there would be no reflection in silver during the refinery process.  Without years of pressure a lump a coal would never become a diamond.

So, is the woman staring back of me in the mirror better for the experience today?

I still see brokenness and my scars are still fresh on my heart.  Some days I even struggle with depression.  I beat myself up when I make mistakes and I am hard on myself when I don’t meet my own expectations.  Recently I have read that delayed reactions are common for people who has suffered a great tragedy.  My cancer treatment is over, and I am grateful for it, but my journey continues.

Despite what I feel the reality is that in God I am whole.  I am beautiful and I am His daughter.  I may be a broken vessel but the light shining through is still light.  The love I have for life is still worth pursuing and the treasure within this jar of clay is as dear to God as the day I was born.

In 7 days, I will mark the one-year anniversary since I had surgery.   This princess has come full circle.

One thought on “Full Circle

  1. Haydee..my beautiful pink sister! You have fought this battle with grace and honor and have been so inspirational to so many of us. I’m proud to call you pink sister and courageous sister in Christ! Hugs! Michele

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