A New Conversation with God

Two treatments left and I will finally be done on January 3rd. My last day was originally today but repairs forced a delay. I was looking forward to ringing their bell to signify the end of my treatments on New Years Eve. Leaving cancer in the old year was symbolic so imagine my disappointment.

The last few weeks have been so hard I’ve had no words. Halfway through radiation and I slowed down so much I became stuck. Radiation burns were so severe my life was turned upside down. I am living in pain. Can you blame me for looking for some meaning in ringing a bell on the last day of the year. Another reason to dig in my heels deeper into the mud of sorrow I was burying myself in these days. Stuck.

Then church happened and from the pulpit a Sunday morning message ministered to my heart in so many ways I was forced to examine my own heart. I was growing weary and felt beat down. So a message on old year resolutions struck a chord. My desire to start the new year cancer and treatment free was not more important than finishing strong regardless if treatment ends New Years Eve or January 3rd.

I needed to start a new conversation with God. My prayers lately have been center around my hardships and everything that’s gone wrong in 2018. My prayers needed a tune up and although God wants us to ask for help, He also wants to hear our gratitude.

Thank you Lord for helping me live. Thank for my husband and my family. For keeping us together and in love with one another. At a time when hardships can break families we grew stronger in love. Thank You for the countless friends who prayed for us and rallied around us in support during our darkest days. Thank you for medical benefits that covered the cost of all my surgeries and treatments for practically nothing. Thank you for the generosity of family and our closest friends. Thank you for scars that will always remind me of our win and not the actual fight. In retrospect 2018 happened to be a blessed year in light of all these blessings.

Finishing strong can mean many different things but today it means I purposely create a space for God to show up. I’m ready to receive what Isaiah wrote in chapter 46:19 when God told him “I’m doing a new thing!… I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland”.

Where are you stuck my friends? Join me in creating a space of gratitude and invite God in for 2019. I promise you He will show up to the party.

Finishing is better than starting…

—Ecclesiastes 7:8

2018… Thank you, next.

3 thoughts on “A New Conversation with God

  1. God has had such a plan for my life. The biggest part in my new journey in Christ was out of all the small groups he placed us in yours. What a great foundation it was for John and myself. You will never know the impact you and Ray made on my brokenness. Seeing you both in this last year truly walk the walk and praising Jesus , I just have no words. You both are the real deal . Thank you so much for allowing us to share this journey with you. I was so touched yesterday when in Sunday school one of the children brought up your name for prayer. Oh how I know God loves you so much.

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