My first week after chemo is behind me. I’ve been very quiet these days facing personal storms and my well started to run dry. So I took a hiatus from writing, talking, communicating and social media. There were days I felt silence would swallow me. Buried in self-pity, tired of adjusting to my new normal and longing for my old life.
I was stuck for a few days. A smile on my face but downcast in spirit. Just like David said in Psalms 42:3 “my tears have been my food day and night”. I have had my share of tears. I also understood what he meant when he also wrote “as the deer pants for water, so pants my soul for You; my soul thirst for God, for the living God”.
So I retreated and started focusing on ways I could put the world on hold. I took an inventory of my life. Suddenly small things no longer seem to be as urgent or important. Making quality time with God and my family started to be my highest priority and my greatest joy.
I have often wondered why cancer? From my point of view at this moment cancer is refining me. Just like a silversmith purifies silver, God is purifying my heart. Also, in the same way a silversmith watches the silver because if left to long in the heat it can be destroyed, God has not left my side. He is always near. Most importantly just like the silversmith knows the silver is fully refined when he can see his reflection, God is purifying me to be a reflection of him.
Beautiful in His time.