Cancer cannot cripple love.

The pain from my chest port has been a big problem this week. I don’t know why doctors say it will be fine within 24-48 hours. It has been unbearable for 7 days.

Let’s back track to the date of the procedure. Due to lymph nodes removal under both armpits they cannot use my arms for IV lines or for any blood draws. So after the anesthesiologist failed to run a line on my foot avoiding my arms he eventually ran a bad line to my hand. Let’s just say I was alert and aware of the procedure because my line was not set properly. I had enough in me to not feel pain but I didn’t have enough to quiet me or put me to sleep. Thank God for angels disguised as people. My nurses and another anesthesiologist bless me with their encouragement and talked me thru it. This one lady sat next to me and she kept me focus on her. Eventually she gave me laughing gas to help me and I must of said something outrageous because the entire OR was cracking up laughing. It was something about panties.

Today I’m on the hot seat again. Chemo started and I’m on the chair as I write. It’s been a good experience so far. I’m feeling fatigue but grateful to have one checked off the to do list. At the chemo infusion clinic I was once again surrounded by angels disguised as nurses. I met some pretty amazing women too.

When I’m down in the dumps I tend to isolate myself but God never intended nor created us to be alone. I’m scared of some of the side effects that are yet to come but Gods love for me is so big he sees past my fears and surrounds me daily with pink sisters, friends, family and nurses who care so much they become your angels. They get thru my need to hide from the world.

I don’t want to mask how discouraged I’ve been. I smile and say all the right things but inside my heart is crying. There are days I’ve just had enough. It’s true but inside of me Jesus is doing a work in my heart. My heart and body may feel broken at time but God’s loves is relentless. He doesn’t leave me there. He followers after me.

Just like the lyrics of the song Relentless.

“Tearing through the veil of darkness

Breaking every chain, You set us free

Fighting for the furthest heart You gave

Your own life for all to see

Tearing through the veil of darkness

Breaking every chain, You set us free

Fighting for the furthest heart You gave

Your life (Your love is relentless)”

Why? Because He loves me and He loves you too. How big is God’s love? Just read John 3:16.

Cancer cannot cripple Gods love.

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