Under Pressure

I haven’t written in a few days. I’ve been at a loss. Nothing I can say could capture how I’ve been feeling until I found a video on a local radio station Facebook page. It read…

“There are only things God can do. Only God can turn sand to a pearl, coal into diamonds, a caterpillar into a butterfly…. so don’t despise pressure. He’s making something beautiful out of a hard situation. And it will be you.”

Don’t despise the pressure?

The pressure to try to find a way to look pretty. The pressure to get back to work when my heart is far from mended. The pressure to smile when in reality I want to cry. The pressure to keep it all together instead of smashing some plates. The pressure to be nice when my tongue is feeling a bit sharp.

And then a friend gave me a free pass when I told her how mad I was when the doctor told me I need chemo and radiation. She said “have your moment and don’t let it define you”. There was so much grace extended in that free pass.

So I took a deep breath and let my family love me thru it, pulled me out of it, make me laugh and their forgiveness for being so toxic brought peace to me.

Anger made me toxic. But that was not Gods plan for me. So I had to let it go and ask God for help.

I want to be a butterfly and I want to be a beautiful pink diamond for Jesus. I know He’s making something beautiful out of this extremely hard situation.

I had my moment. It did not define me.

Only Jesus defines me and in His timing I will be a pearl.

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